I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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