Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
