3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
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