dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
