When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Randomize
