between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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