i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
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