dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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