I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Randomize
