some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Randomize
