he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
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