She went from zero to smokin in five shots
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
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