Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Just pee around me
not ubering you a puppy
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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