I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
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