I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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