I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Randomize