so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
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