Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
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