I'm eating all of the evidence.
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize