I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
