Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Randomize
