I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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