she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
