Porn is love you can see.
lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
