I smell stomach acid.
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
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