whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
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