I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
you inspire me to be a worse person
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
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