that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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