Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
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