Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
