Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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