Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Randomize
