thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
Shame is for Republicans.
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