yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
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