I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Randomize
