my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Randomize
