There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Randomize
