He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
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