And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
