Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
