Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
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