is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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