I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize