if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
