When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Randomize
