A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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