just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize