Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
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