it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Randomize