just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
Randomize
