I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
