We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Randomize
