he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
A+ Viking dick
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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