I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Success! We fucked roommates!
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
