Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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