What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
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