when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
Randomize
