i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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