Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
