A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Randomize
