I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
Dude, Erin Andrews has a nude video circulating the internet.
Is it any good?
Let me put it this way: I bet Stuart Scott's lazy eye went straight after watching that.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
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