OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Randomize
