My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Randomize
