The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
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