i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
He? As in you personified your dick?
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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