Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
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