Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Randomize
