She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
