We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
