I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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