weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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