I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
