I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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