some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
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