If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize
